Rendezvous
27 January 04 : 04.37 PM
At times it's just lying on my bed, holding the rose quartz that I've lost faith in and allowing the radio drown away the silence of my room that I start thinking about things I know I shouldn't.
And sometimes, I like to pull the covers over my head and open my eyes to see myself trapped. But then I'd feel incarcerated and I'd get anxious to get out. Even if it were just for seconds that I feel that way, I'd always emerge from my sheets gasping for air, heart beating fast and erratic.
But I feel asphyxiated by the vast emptiness I cannot comprehend.
They say time effaces all that hurts. But you have to emanate the courage to let go.
I wrote an essay for English Literature that I'd spent a lot of time on and I was hoping to get a good grade on it. "Write about your most vehement emotion this year." It was a rough extract from my journal that I waxed lyrical about emptiness and feeling lost. So when Ms. Nor didn't give me a grade, and instead give me a one-to-one talk, I was kind of disappointed.
Fuck, just leave it. It's no big deal. I want to sensitize people about the way I feel, but I don't want their sympathy.
I'm seriously fine.
I'm being vague. But it's only because I don't want to be understood.