Rendezvous
29 March 04 : 07.01 AM
Dad turned off the lights while I pretended to sleep, and my brother pretend to switch off the computer. When Dad left, Wilson came over to my bed and lie down.
I strained my eyes to try to see him. I think he wasn't leaving my room yet because he didn't want to be alone.
He told me he still loved Mabel.
"Work things out then," I said.
He shook his head. I heard it against the pillow.
"Do you know what song I always sing to Andii whenever she quarrels with J?"
"What?"
"Baby, sometimes love... just ain't enough..."
Then he continued,
There's a danger in loving somebody too much... And it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust. There's a reason why people don't stay who they are...
It was silent for a while and I couldn't see him, but beyond the nigritude that floats around us, that seemed so translucent yet opaque in that dark, oppressive way, I could feel that it hurts him so deep, and that precise moment, he was really actually crying within.
"How do I live without you? I want to know... How do I breathe without you? If you ever go... How do I ever, ever survive?"
Then we started singing sad love songs by Boys II Men, Brian McKnight and the likes.
At that moment, I wished someone loved me the way he loved her, and I'd love that person back the same way.
Only at that moment, when both of us were crying and no one could see it, not even ourselves because we've both ran out of tears.