Rendezvous
13 August 08 : 01.04 PM
So I said to b., "I've been great. I haven't been needy and it feels fucking awesome." He gathered that it meant Dani and I weren't together already, so he asked, "Have you found someone new or did you just start to love yourself again?" The thing is, that was one of the most thought-provoking questions I've heard in a while.
Today I woke up to a fucking horrible dream. All the fucked up emotions I felt when I was with Dani came rushing down on me. The exasperation, the hysteria, the heart-wrenching tears. Being anxious and lost. Being disappointed. I told him, "I had the worst nightmare of my life." I woke up, sat on my bed and continued crying.
He called me back and told me it's okay, he's not doing it anymore. In all my vulnerability, the one thing that never eluded me was resentment. I said to him, "Yeah but you did. You did it every fucking day while we were together." And I hung up.
Like I said, I'm fucking everything up.