Rendezvous
18 July 09 : 06.37 AM
Haven't slept in 24 hours. I knew coffee would hurt my nerves further but I drank it anyway. As if I wasn't already trembling enough. I wanted to take something so badly just now I took those atarax I had meant to keep for flu. I don't know how many people have told me I need to stop using these things. Even Edde said I may have misdiagnosed myself. But I can't help it; I like easy ways out.
I don't know if I am to be blamed tonight. I don't have an answer. I can't talk to anyone because they'd all just tell me I'm right. It's easier to be wrong. Then I just apologize. But being right means that I have to stand firmly on my ground and accept nothing less than something better. It seems like being wrong and being right, both tell you I'm weak.
I kill myself this way sometimes.