Rendezvous
14 September 09 : 09.12 PM
The past week or so, on group messenger conversations, there was talk about a certain jilted girl. At first, when her boyfriend said to me, "Hey, I broke up with her" I felt like perhaps I had mustered that bit of sympathy for her and told him, as much as I didn't like her, I couldn't really imagine them apart. But the more I knew about what a terrible person she is, the more that want to feel sympathetic towards her disappeared.
I really should elaborate on why I think she's such a terrible person to justify myself, but that's really not the point of this entry...
Today, I said something about her to them that's just entirely cruel. Then it was said to me, "It's his ex-girlfriend after all. Chill out a little." My immediately defensive reply was, "Did she ever think, it's your girlfriend, chill out a little?" After that, I did feel like it was wrong of me to say mean things like that. Even though it would never get to her ears, the thought of saying it already felt like I was kicking someone when they're down. Then her exboyfriend said, "True, she didn't." And this echoes what was said the other day, where there was a unanimous agreement that she was the one who started something out of nothing. I always thought that while I did respond very bitterly, it was merely an understandable reaction to a nasty treatment.
The whole incident with her made me feel really awful. I had never stepped on her toes in any way. We hardly even interact in the first place. Why the animosity? I took a more or less innocuous picture with her boyfriend (with my boyfriend round the corner), but that was just a catalyst for a reaction to an underlying antagonism that stems right from the start. Even he doesn't understand.
But after everything said, I feel like maybe I should have been more magnanimous with her. Not to the extent of turning the other cheek, but maybe, just let it slide because I should be bigger than that. To understand that this is the way she is, the person she is. And because she really has no real bearing in my life, it really doesn't matter what she thinks. My boyfriend has once and again told me, Look, everybody I love loves you. My family loves you, my friends love you, and that's all that matters. Who gives a fuck about those girls?
I'm not trying to be a saint, and neither am I enlightened in any way. But there comes a time when you realise being angry at somebody for no reason is a tiring affair. The bitchy side of me (and I assure you, that side is huge) wants to end off by saying "THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS: AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE TO LIE AND PRETEND I STAY IN A CONDOMINIUM" (it's funny, right? Cheap shots are the best kind yet.) But sometimes being more giving without expecting to be given, even if it takes a certain amount of concerted effort, can rose-tint everything around.