Rendezvous
28 May 10 : 12.42 AM
There was one night, with Ruby at a coffee joint, past midnight, talking about hopes and love and the future. She told me that it takes a lot of personal strength to not deny one's own flaws. To admit it, in spite of. And that was what I was doing, and she saw that.
I think if there's any merit to me, it would be an acute self-awareness. An awareness that stems from (in the most negative way possible) self-consciousness and self-monitoring (often excessively). I know what my flaws are. I also know how to not be prideful, and be sorry about these flaws.
Today I came to see how having either trait, self-awareness and humility, have no value at all. Because I know how I have fucked up, I know what I should do, I know how to admit to my mistakes, but, I don't know how to change. I don't know how to change these flaws, to not make these mistakes. That I think is my biggest failing.