Rendezvous
21 June 11 : 12.14 AM
The more I live life beyond these pages, the less I remember of that life when it passes. And it passes.
Things have been different. Things have been practicality-practicality-reallife-practicality. I like it though. I think I fit right in. But there are pockets of empty spaces at night when I'm alone, I wonder if I've lost myself. I'm wondering if there is still a part of me left, that is the person I was before. I can't help but feel like it's such a waste. That person didn't fit in quite as much as I do now. And that was the beauty of it. Maybe.
Helme and I spend every single day together. We wake up for work together, we have dinner together, we sleep together. Sometimes we hug while we're asleep, sometimes I curl a limb or another over him, or vice versa. Sometimes we sleep with our backs to each other. We have come to a point where it doesn't matter anymore. But this is the point where I get scared. I've always been afraid of the end of romance. Even before it starts. But the end of romance is so insidious. It starts with a bicker, or diminished eye contact... maybe a broken promise or two. I've always lived for the romance, the idealistic, what happens when it's all gone? Sometimes I forget and it's okay, but on nights like this I wish I never did.