Rendezvous
14 September 11 : 01.05 AM
I wish that there was something, anything at all, that tells us when a change happens. Change is a scary thing. It's so insidious and so sneaky. You don't catch it as it's happening, you only catch it when it's done. I don't like change very much.
Especially when that word's being used against me by the very boy I love.
It's not like I don't see it now. But how do you admit to change, when admitting only means you're as horrible a person as the change itself? When are you not the change that you become? How do you admit to change, when admitting only means you're not who your loved one loves?
The boy and I are having the worst fight we've had in ages. Mostly because he gives in a lot more lately than he used to. Sometimes I appreciate it, but sometimes I no longer see it as an effort, I see it as resignation. I hate it so much that I fight against this resignation. Even if it means, it was for absolutely nothing at all.
I don't know where we are right now, and I don't know what it means for us next. I'm scared because I know I've changed, and the only way to undo this change, is to not be with the one who inadvertently brought about the change in the first place. Does it confuse? Because it seems the only way to stay, is to go.
Can't make sense of all the thoughts in this head of mine- not when I have to struggle even to breathe. It gets so difficult breathing when one is crying. I just wanna be under the sheets with my sweetheart again.