Rendezvous
22 June 05 : 02.50 AM
Everyone's lives here at home's in a halt. We're just all waiting for that something that we don't know. Or at least, I think I am. I'm feeling scared the way I haven't felt for a long time. I feel lonely and confined and I keep thinking I want to jump off some fucking building.
Not that I would really do that, I'm too chicken shit for that.
I stare at my economics notes and think I understand at least some parts of it, yet, not really. I think I know Shakespeare well enough but I'm not getting good a good enough grade. History is scaring me.
I got it over and done with about 12 hours ago. I can cry this moment for all the feelings I haven't been feeling for the past few days. And as I sat there waiting, clutching my stomach because of the fucking cramps the drug induced, I didn't feel a scintilla of fear in me at all. It was not real. Even up to the moment that man pricked my left arm and told me to look away, it was not real.
It still isn't.
I can't think anymore tonight. It might just suffocate me.