Rendezvous
30 October 05 : 08.28 PM
b took me to an event at Rouge where the invitation stated that couples are to come in "urban chic attire" but there was nothing chic about what everyone were in and the caucasians beside us were laughing madly so we left, watched a movie (b's secret backup plan) fighting for the armrest in the theatre because the movie was stupid and catherine zeta jones didn't appear in all the scenes. We walked past Orchard Towers, and looked at the art pieces lined outside Liat Towers, and walked the long way back to Marriott. We then met kim, jules at Bar None. b and i took a walk down to newton where i pretended to be looking for what I wanted to eat. We parted at about a quarter past 3, and I didn't sleep until I saw the sun peaked through.
These days I've been sleeping late, on purpose, but I always end up waking early. And I hate waking up early. It gives me an utterly empty feeling, to wake up when no one in the house have, and I'm alone, feeling all alone in my own house. I surround myself with people, one at least, so I don't have to be alone. b was right I guess, I don't want to be alone, and can't, for that matter. But for a slightly different reason from what he thinks it is. It's not a social thing, Josh just called and asked me..., Jonathan wants to go drinking before he leaves... I don't even know what it is. I'm just scared of being alone sometimes.
After dim sum with my parents yesterday, I met Gemma and Kim at hollandv, after which we went to serene centre to join Marilyn and Theo, and had dinner at the contemporary Thai food restaurant that I'm loving at this moment. I asked b to ask me out, and he did. We then went to eskibar, and he did his analysis thing on me again, saying I was probably really bored because I was looking at my feet.
I decided I wanted to go for a drive, a long quiet drive and b took me to see his school, the 3 parks he'd said he wouldn't bring just about anyone to, and then drove me home. In the car we listened to Bebel Gilberto's Tanto Tempo replay twice at least.
I said I didn't want to get off the car, but I did in the end, when we reached one of the parks, where we could see the sea before us. I felt like a little girl seeing the kids running with their colorful kites in front of me. In the afternoon, I read Jules' entry about the sea, which fills her with sorrow, and yet looking into the waters, I saw danger, I saw what Ted Hughes saw and wrote it into the poem, Relic. There was no gloom, no beauty without subjection. There was only brine, where life dances within this lifeless, unemotional substance. The sea is where you can drown in, devoured like tango, and nothing in there will pity you. Perhaps that was why it was depressive after all.
We passed by my school, and it looked so dreadfully sad at night, reticence and darkness surround. When we reached my place, we sat in the car, just talking. I don't think we'll ever really run out of things to say. We started our drive at 11 in the night, and I reached home at about 2.30 in the morning. In the 3 and a half hours drive, b brought me to places I haven't been to, and he felt even less strange then.
Then last night, I slept by 3.30am. And today, I'm spending sunday alone.