Rendezvous
02 July 06 : 07.28 PM
An article at the Black Table about the trend of "whimpsters", those guys who you've lovingly come to know as the emotive, navel-gazing boys (and that's being euphemistic). To give you a rough idea, celebrated wimps include Conor Oberst, Moby, Christopher Carrabba, Al Gore, Ben Gibbard and so on.
So it tells you how to identify one of them and what's it like to be dating one of them. You know what's the most amazing thing? I not only understood what the article was getting get, I even identified some whimpster qualities in the guys I've dated.
You'll probably receive a mix tape or quoted song lyrics during the initial courting session.
Hahahaha. I can't even remember how many of these I've gotten. While it's really a sweet gesture, on hindsight, it's so cliched.
Dare you break up with a whimpster, you'll suffer the shrill roar of the wounded male and the email death threat. Your immortalization in the liner notes of his life will become angry song lyrics, and before long you'll be de-Friendstered, re-Friendstered, your CDs will go un-returned...
The de/re-Friendstering thing isn't a phenomenon that occurs with guys I've dated, even guys who are just plain friends, who feel that I'm way too emotionally unavailable, do so. It comes in several variations; perpetually setting their MSN status to "Appear Offline", blocking/deleting you off his list, deleting your phone number from his phone knowing that he remembers it, or whatever way he chooses to "forget you/get you out of his life".
After you've finished having sex, he immediately says… "My tummy hurts from coming so hard. Did you come? Did I make you happy?"
I don't want to explain.
The classic, "go to" pickup line he always uses is… "I never ask girls out because I don't want to sound like some sexist asshole." (exasperated sigh) "I don't know how you put up with these cretins."
Several variations on this.
To add to the list of Whimpster qualities, a quality I've observed is the compulsive listening to such heart-wrenching music like that of Butch Walker and Sondre Lerche. They've moved past Dashboard Confessional, and entering into the Indie dimension where everyone and everything has "sold out" and will never buy Hallmark cards.
I was deciding if I liked the retrosexual type, or the übersexual type... The retrosexual type being one who protects your honor the most overtly male way (not speaking deep about karma). I'm pretty certain I steer towards the retrosexual-type, although ideally, the venn diagram of qualities would intersect. It's the chivalry thing. I need the rogueish decisive one, rather than the mellow nurturer. But I guess it also has something to do with the fact that übersexuals sound mythical. Too good to be true.
Why can't guys be normal and listen to rock bands and go on all night (without having to flinch and say "don't touch me there" every 5 minutes)?