Rendezvous
07 November 07 : 02.07 AM
I hate superficial people. I think people who place too much emphasis on what appears on the outside should die. I know of girls like that and I look down on them so much, because they'll never truly be contented. It must feel like shit.
But then, sometimes I become one of them. Sometimes I base my value on how pretty someone sees me, or how much compliments I receive. Although I must hear it from people who mean something to me. So it figures my elation when my dad, someone who doesn't shower praises easily, says I'm beautiful. And it also figures that when I feel that Dani doesn't love me anymore it's because he no longer finds me beautiful. It's such a detrimental way of thinking. When I am told I am beautiful, it doesn't boost my ego. It doesn't make me feel like I'm better than the other girls. It just makes me feel loved and paid attention to.
It was about 2am when my mom came into my room. I was online talking to Donovan and Airell. I asked Airell why doesn't he love me anymore; he used to sayang me a lot. He laughs and says I'm such a baby.
My mom looked at me and said, "Look at you. You're so beautiful. You don't need Danii. There are so many guys out there who wants you."
I cried. I cried because of the finality of it. I cried because nothing will come out of Saturday. But I wanted Danii. I don't want to be proud. I don't want to be angry. I wanted Danii.
Donovan was talking about these two girls he was with right now, and talked about his dislike for them. I interrupted him. I told him what my mom said and I told him that I cried after hearing what she said.
Then he told me he agrees with my mom.
"Are you trying to make me cry again?!" I asked, jokingly. But by then I had already started.