Rendezvous
01 March 08 : 02.12 AM
I think a lot of us successfully put on a persona when writing, in ways we can never do in person. I think it's the persona you most want to be, not so much who you really are. Every blog I've read, of people I know, they all seem like they're trying to be something. We see and we sometimes think, I never saw that side of him, but I'm starting to think maybe that side doesn't really exist in real life. I'm not beyond that myself.
The other night at Edd's place. People falling asleep on too-soft couches and in the bedrooms, Edd and I learning the Tango off some random home-made dance video online. He puts on Edith Piaf and the lights are low. Quietquiet and almost soft.
I think I've had nights like this before. With friends I've known way longer. It felt comfortable. Some DVD at Kim's, maybe gossiping and laughing over internet pornography. Those clubs with people decades older. Driving up somewhere with Raymond, Sern and Jack. Weeknights are always colder. I always leave way early, I wonder why? Tonight Marilyn is asking me to meet her, at the Mac's near my place. I said okay but I didn't.
I want something to change again. It didn't start out like this, he never wanted it like this, I did. Now something is lost. (Tonight we're right beside each other, and we don't say a word.)