Rendezvous
10 September 08 : 04.53 PM
As much as I'm comfortable in this void, something struck a cord (a quake with such magnitude) when Dani said he never wanted to speak to me again.
Losing my lover was horrible. But I hardly had one in him for a long time, and he knew that too. All the anger sapped us of any inspiration we might have needed to be in love. And show it. But losing my best friend, that just breaks my heart all over again.
(With the other boy, it's a little inexplicable. I had tried to push him away twice, but when he got upset, I got frantic and scrambled to pick up the pieces. Pieces of something that I had broken intentionally. In all honesty, I still don't know why.)
It felt like something I had to do. It was an unhealthy relationship and it drained us so bad. I thought about how I've never had the courage to leave someone I love. But why now then, the boy I've loved the deepest, truest, maddest? No I did not find someone else to replace him, and no I did not get bored of us. But I don't know. Thinking is so hard these days.
These days I go to school everyday because there's nothing else to do, it seems. Not thinking, not thinking, not thinking. Not thinking is just awesome.