Rendezvous
18 April 09 : 04.30 PM
I always knew I had it in me to be mean. To say or do things to people that would truly sting, truly hurt. Maybe I detect insecurities well, maybe I'm just more willing to say horrible things, maybe I just always instinctively know what's the worst things to say. Or all.
My girlfriends used to say I was callous without trying. That I could make anyone feel awful about themselves in a trice. Without trying. I never knew this extended to people I love, but today I realized it does. And what I said, wasn't even half true.
I guess I need to be alone for a while.
(I'm thinking about a girl whom I've always been extra nice to. I've always liked her very much because I thought she was a genuine person. This is a girl who has expressed insecurities to me about her absent partner. Who has shared real fears and private thoughts with me. I've always told people that, I like her, she's real. I don't think I've ever thought anything nasty of her, much less, said anything nasty about her.
It's those same people now telling me how wrong I was. Hearing one of the reasons why I'm wrong feels even more awful; this girl's behind the recent trainwreck of events, intentionally, spitefully. I'm made to eat my words. To be told, I told you so. I suck at judging people.)