Rendezvous
19 April 09 : 04.35 AM
Not studying because I can't concentrate. Wen sends me a text, "I'm now operating on standby mode." 4 more texts to read for Monday, god knows how many more for the rest of the papers, and as things should have it, I was perpetually on youtube and talking on the phone to-
I'm a wreck when things are not perfect.
My period is officially late. I missed March entirely. I actually made up an imaginary date for my March period to check when's my fertility frame for the month of April. Then I realised it didn't make sense. I wasn't making sense. It didn't even happen.
But the truth is, I'm not fazed. I can never get pregnant. I'd be kinda a fucked up selfish mom and god would never permit me a kid.
4am conversations and car rides are the best thing since- I got home feeling calm, with tired, sore eyes but how surreal everything feels. I like this. I asked, what's fucked up about me? He said, your dependency. I know, but you also know I'm a creature of habit. And I shut out easily, I replied. I know, then you start depending on that, he said. That sounds awfully attractive right now.