Rendezvous
26 May 09 : 02.04 AM
Then this lady there came up to me. She's in her forties, with a kind face and warm hands. She put her hand on my thigh and patted me softly. She said she wanted to bless me. Said she sees something in me. I think it's because I said thank you a lot. It's a Christian thing; she just wants to do something for someone and all that atheist/non-believing shit is starting to sound so banal and stale. I said okay. It was only right to reciprocate niceness and that I'm always a believer of.
She had a checklist ready. I almost giggled out loud. This checklist would have gone down the hall of fame for bad jokes between Desiree and I 3 years ago, but this time, I'm just glad I don't have to think.
But how can I choose self-indulgent wishes like "Good Health", "Success in Education" and "Financial Freedom" and even "Forgiveness for Wrong Doings", after the most selfish day spent? I told her, "Wisdom in Decision-Making" and she smiled, held my hand and said a prayer for me. She said there's always a time and place for everything and it just isn't it yet. I said thank you again, this time, I said her name.
After she left, I couldn't call Helme yet. I just sat there. My head had cleared up but things just aren't the same and for a moment it felt empty inside me. Somewhere it was hurting and it wasn't just the drugs.
I thought about calling Kim but she's on the other side of the world and I didn't even fucking save her UK number from the million times she called. I wanted Felicia to make a dry joke but she's been gone 2 years now, what if she's not even alive. Call Desiree but there's something distant about her now. I wanted to talk to Andii but being a mother changes a lot of things.
If it hadn't mattered then, it matters now, and that's the reason I couldn't let go.