Rendezvous
18 February 04 : 03.58 PM
When Dr. Tian sat down, the first thing I noticed was his ankles. It was so small, almost as small as my wrists. His trousers are too short for him. At that moment, all I was thinking about was how I am gonna write this entry and how I'm going to write it out in words the exact way I felt, looking at his placid face.
I can't remember how he looks like anymore.
Before the session ended, and after I told him all about myself, he told me, "I really like you, I think you're a very good girl."
I bit my lips. I wanted to tell him how he'd been deceived. I was lying when I told him I didn't have any boyfriends before, that I've never gotten into trouble at school, and that I only have a closely-knitted group of girlfriends and all we do when we go out, is catch a movie and go shopping.
But I wasn't lying about my fears and ambitions.
I don't know if he'd been deluded, or that he'd actually seen right through me instead. That how many boyfriends I've had, what happened in school, what I do out there that my parents don't know about, don't mean a thing when it comes to seeing what a person is like within.
That half an hour session cost $198.00. I looked at my mother, she remained indifferent about the amount she had to pay. I felt so guilty inside for wasting her money.
When I apologised, all she told me was, "It's okay, dear. As long as you're happy."
I can't disappoint her.