Rendezvous
12 October 06 : 11.30 PM
I want to write something about school. The place I've tried to evade the past 2 years, attending school almost sporadically, 3 out of 5 days in a good week.
The place I actually called the shithole, the very bane of my existence, the place I dreaded going to every single morning I have to drag myself out of bed whether or not I felt sleepy.
The place where I wrote about back in April.
But this place, I found some of the best friendships I may ever make (I love you, Min, Desiree and Rose!). I learned a greater sense of responsibility, a sorta fear for authority that I never understood back in secondary school. Grades do matter, I've been told here. I learned resilience, of a kind, that I can't just disappear from school for a month on end, the way I did in secondary school, just because.
There's something disturbingly comforting about this environment. Still a little sheltered, still a little free. They say the two years here are the most stressful in your academic life (and it is, only because I leave studying to the last second). I don't know what to say.
I don't know what I'll miss though. Will I be missing the times we skip lecture to laze in the student centre? Or staying up late to complete an essay assignment that's due in 4 hours, the one we've been given ample time to complete? Or in the library, searching for history books, for the readings we'll never touch? Maybe it's talking and eating in the cafeteria. Or trying to escape from school earlier than we're supposed to be dismissed.
It's not like I'm going to cry or break down or anything. It's still the place that—if I had to be here on a regular basis—would still kill me. I'm sure it must have something to do with the fact that we just had our Farewell Assembly, kinda like a graduation thing, and my lit tutor hugged me and told me really encouraging words. But you know how sometimes, even when you don't want to, you experience that feeling of loss, that inevitable kinda loss of something you can never retrieve?
Yeah that kind.