Rendezvous
22 December 09 : 03.21 AM
Because for every occasion I find myself
feeling unimportant and slighted because I'm always relegated when he's making his plans
unappreciated because nothing I do for him anymore seems worth being happy about
alone at home crying while he's out having fun with his friends
waiting and waiting and waiting for a call that I always know will come late
having words like "get lost" and "who the fuck do you think you are" thrown at me
being told to get out his house because I'm not welcomed
at a loss of what to do and feeling so worthless and pathetic while I'm being shouted at
exasperated and angry and hurt at the thought that he doesn't care, doesn't love the way I do.
There are ten more where
we're cuddled in bed whispering sweet nothings and kissing incessantly before we sleep
he's taking my arms and finding positions he can rest them most closely and tightly to himself
we're laughing and talking on the sofa or bed locked in strange positions
he's holding my hand and doesn't want to let go, everywhere
I crawl over him and kiss him all over while he's trying to get me off him so he can sleep
he looks at me adoringly while I'm painfully unaware and then tell me how much he loves me
he talks about me in his future with him in such absolute terms
I understand how lucky I am to have someone love me the way he does.
This had always been reason enough for me to keep trying- if only it still mattered.